On fear of being judged.
I’m late again with my blog – apologies.
This time it is not because of bad time management, in fact, I had everything ready to go, the story and the drawings. But when it was time to share it, I felt a knot in my tummy, I doubted myself, something just didn’t feel right and kept me from pressing send...
On further soul searching I think I found out why the post didn’t sit right with me despite how well written and drawn it may have been. The content of the piece came across as very judgmental. It was my attempt at dealing with a recent real life experience where I had been judged and frankly, slammed for who I was and I noticed I was still hurt. I was justifying myself with a comic strip that was more bitter than funny.
More coincidental than planned, I had a fleeting conversation with a kindred spirit not long ago, who reminded me that
if you fear being judged, it’s most likely because you are judgemental as well – of yourself and others.
This is something that is hard to accept if you consider yourself to be an open minded person. But being really honest with myself I found it to be true. Out of a wrong way of sticking up for ourselves we judge the ones that don’t understand us and make us feel small. My blog was exactly that: self defence.
By being less judgemental we're not automatically condemning everything that is thrown at us but rather we make the conscious decision to step away from a situation that isn't in line with our values. Instead of judging I want to work on healthy boundaries.
Making the decision to be late with my newsletter rather than ignoring my gut feeling turned my mood around immediately. I'm proud to have listened to my intuition.